A few months back I wrote about the length of our cable tow and how we need to be aware that that length is ever-changing. We need to adjust it based on what's going on at the time and the commitments we have. It's something that I feel most of us struggle with from time to time.
While keeping in mind the level of your commitments, there is something that is just as, if not more important - the length of your Brother's cable tow.
When you make a commitment to do something there's a social contract that's established with all those that were present with you when you made it. The expectation we often set, rightly or wrongly, is that everyone else can also make that commitment. We assume that they're onboard with it.
It is not often that when planning we make sure that everyone is planning to join you for the long haul. Does everyone have the available time and resources to participate? Are they actually comfortable putting up their hand and saying that they aren't? We just assume they are.
Just like our own cable tow, each other individual needs to be taking the time to determine if there is enough reach for them to take on or continue a project.
Yes, sometimes a cable tow's length shrinks, it's not something we often think about but it does happen.
When that cable tow shrinks, how do you react? Do you get upset because you hear the word "no." When that individual comes to you after the meeting or gives you a call a few weeks later and confesses to you that they really can't help you out, does your blood boil or do you lash out?
Before you react, take a moment and reflect on the situation and be sure you are keeping your Brother's best interests in mind and not your own. You can't possibly know everything going on in their lives and situations change, sometimes in the blink of an eye (ever been let go from a job?). We need to be aware that there may be something else now in play and be understanding.
Maybe there's a different way for this person to help? Maybe they just need a few weeks to sort things out before they can jump back in. The conversation is worth so much more than just getting upset and who knows, maybe they have a solution to offer.
So the next time a Brother turns down working on something, think about what might be tugging on their cable tow before you respond.